Do you remember the beginning of the movie Hope Floats, when Birdee and her daughter, Bernice, are leaving their home in Chicago? Bernice looks back at the house as they are driving away, and Birdee tells her not to look back because it's bad luck, but she can't resist taking a peek in the rear view mirror herself as they drive away. I'm guilty of looking back sometimes, too.
I fall into the "coulda, woulda, shoulda" trap way too often. The other day I was thinking about a relationship I wish had turned out differently and wondering what I could've done in order to have gotten the results I wanted.
Haven't you ever heard stories about someone who missed their plane and had their day ruined, only to find out a few hours later that the plane crashed and no one survived? And everyone talks about what a miracle it is for them, and how that incident has changed that person's life, and how it just wasn't their time to go. Do you think that person ever, ever, ever thinks "Man, I wish that would have turned out differently. Why did I have to miss that plane? If only I hadn't been running late that morning." I doubt it.
So why do I think that kind of thing about what I perceive to be missed opportunities? Or convince myself that relationships didn't work out the way they really should have because maybe I did something wrong? Who am I to doubt the way things are supposed to work out?
If I really take an honest look at what might have been, here's what I come up with. If I had married the first boy I loved and wanted to marry, I would either be miserably married or divorced. He never took the time to really get to know me, and he never liked me all that much. If I would've pushed harder and forced the relationship to "work" then I would've eventually (like, 6 months later or so) ended up miserable.
If I had married the second man I loved (yes, at this point I guess I had graduated from boys to men, although this one still acted like a lot like a boy) I would have been miserable. This guy did not take time to get to know me, either, and he also never really liked me that much. I could tell by the way he only called me from the bar after last call. I probably couldn't have even forced this one to "work."
The same thing goes on for boyfriends three through seven, and could go for several other guys I liked but never really dated because, again, they never really liked me much anyway. I sometimes wonder what would've happened if I had chased them a little more, and forced things to happen. But that's just not how I roll. It's sounds like a cliche, but I don't want to be the one doing the pursuing. Maybe that's just the way relationships between men and women really are supposed to work.
The next time I think "If only I had said blah, blah, blah" or "I should've done blah, blah, blah" I'm going to remind myself that no one who missed out on a flaming plane crash wishes it would've worked our differently for them. All the times I've crashed and burned and all my near misses are misses for a reason, even if I don't get just why yet.
Yeah, you missed the only part of Hope Floats worth mentioning.
Posted by: Casey | 04/20/2009 at 09:09 AM
Oh, I soooo wish it hadn't cut you off because I really want to know what you think the part worth mentioning is. My guess is it's Justin's Scout. Am I right?
Posted by: Plain Jane | 04/20/2009 at 08:20 PM