Chick, flicked

I've noticed that lately I spend more time with guy friends than with girl friends. I'm not one of those girls, either, if that's what you're thinking. Everyone knew one of those girls in high school, or maybe in college, who didn't have a single girl friend to hang out with. Those girls always said "I just get along better with guys. Girls are too catty." This was secret, girl speak for "I have a trashy, whorelike quality, so girls don't really like me. Because I sleep with guys they like or used to date." Those girls always had a story steeped in drama that went something like this: "My friend, Christine, (well, she used to be my friend) totally stabbed me in the back because her boyfriend, Jeff, liked me. And I didn't even do anything to get Jeff to like me. We were just friends, and even if he did like me, I didn't like him back. We were just in the same math class. So, she started telling everyone that I'm a slut."

Anyway, I'm not one of those girls. I have girl friends, I just don't see them as much as I see my guy friends. I attribute this to the fact that they don't have as many real responsibilities. No guy has ever said "I would meet you for a beer after work, but the house isn't going to clean itself." Or "I wish I could meet you for a movie but I have got to get to all this laundry that's been piling up." No, single guys don't make that stuff a priority. And married guys don't do that stuff. Their wives do.

So, a couple of weeks ago I started worrying about what it says about me if I spend more time with men than with women. I started wondering why I have more male friends than female friends. I think it's because guys see me as one of them. This is cool for me because I get lots of insight into the male mind. This is not cool for me because it means I am officially no longer a threat to any woman on this planet. Don't worry that I'll take your man because he doesn't even notice I'm a woman. I might as well change my name to Mike and start wearing sports team T-shirts everywhere. My "buddies" (that's what guys call their other guy friends) wouldn't even notice, because, hey, I'm just one of the guys. How am I supposed to use all this valuable insight into the male mind that I've gained if there are no men in my life to be insightful about?

I don't know where I went wrong. I am the type of girl who never leaves the house without wearing lipstick, who matches my shoes to my top, and makes smelling good a priority. I'm not a beauty queen, but I'm not one of those people you see in the store and think "Is that a man or a woman?" I'm clearly a girl. So, why do guys think I'm one of them?

The only thing I can think of is that since I'm single, and I don't have a lot of real responsibilities, I haven't really grown up yet. This makes me kind of like a lot of guys. I rarely cook; in fact, I still eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner a couple of times a month. I blow off household chores until the next day if I have a chance to meet a friend for a drink instead. I put off buying nice furniture until I have a reason to do so. And I'm ashamed to admit this one, but I have been known to pull a pair of jeans out of the hamper, smell them, shake them out, and wear them again in a bind. I mean, I've done this in the last month. I know, it's gross and I'm not proud of it, but when do I have time to do laundry? I had to meet my buddies at the bar to watch the game last night.

In reviewing the last paragraph, I've realized that I may in fact be a guy between 23 and 27 years old. No wonder my guy friends think I'm one of them. I now know why they pulled me out of the "chick" category and flicked me into the "dude" category. Hmmm, while I'm here I'll try to get some more insight for you girls and pass it along as I can. Stay tuned!

 

Comments

[Casey]

I knew there was something weird about you, dude.  I mean, I suspected it.  Then the thing with the matching shoes.  You're totally a chick.

Do NOT give out any of the proprietary man mind recon you've done lately.

[Plain Jane]

I guess if I would've kept my mouth shut I could've gathered a lot more data before your suspicions were confirmed. I'll try not to let too much of the secret man mind recon out but knowledge this good is really hard to keep under wraps.